I am a wife, mother of 3 girls, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, and many other titles. I love gardening, knitting, sewing, and spending time with people. Listening to other's life experiences has always fascinated me! I love the wisdom of those older than myself as they can guard me from bad decisions and lead me to the right ones. My grandmother taught me quite a bit about gardening and sewing. She tried to teach me how to crochet but I never could get the hang of it like I did with knitting. My mother showed me how to love people, the nice ones and the ones who were a little harder to handle. I watched her for years handling every life experience with grace. She taught me many things but one of the greatest things she taught me as a young woman was how to do a self check breast exam. So every month since I became a "woman", I have checked my breasts for anything that just didn't feel just right. I breastfed two of my three girls and during that time of nursing, I developed mastitis at least 4 times. Two of those times were extremely severe and very painful. I never had a problem with milk supply. In fact, after I stopped nursing my second daughter (first one I nursed) I continued to leak milk for 10 years until I had my third daughter. I nursed her for 13 months and even after that I continued to have a form of milk ready at any given time. But in April of 2017, during one of my self checks, I felt a lump. I continued to check it and in September my husband told me to have it checked out. I made an appointment with my nurse practitioner and she ordered my mammogram and ultrasound.
Ever since I was a young teenager, I could always tell what was wrong with my body whether it was strep throat, a virus or just a chocolate craving. My menstrual cycle was on time every month. I occasionally would get calcium deposits in my right breast which were very painful as a teenager and always seem to be on my volleyball game day. But outside of that I didn't have any family history of breast cancer, so the LAST thing on my mind during this ultrasound and mammogram was breast cancer. I mean, I had done all of the right things for years. I ate organic 90% of the time, I used organic soaps and hair products, I even made my own deodorant. I breastfed two of my 3 children, to help protect me against breast cancer. So when radiologist walked into the room said, "There is an 80% chance this is breast cancer. I want a biopsy done immediately. The nurse will see you to the door and we will call you with the biopsy appointment. Have a good weekend." I laid there on the table in shock! And I thought, "what a jerk!" So the nurse walked me to the door and said, "We will call you as soon as we have your appointment for the biopsy. If you have any questions, please give us a call." Now this was my very FIRST mammogram, ever. And it was on October 20, 2017, in the middle of Breast Cancer Awareness month and I didn't even get a sticker! Or a pen! Or a ribbon as a "thank you" for getting that lump checked. All I got was, "You have an 80% chance this is Breast cancer, have a good weekend!" I walked to my car and sat in the front seat, looked in the mirror and cried. I hardly ever look in a mirror, except when I am fixing my hair or putting on make up. Outside of that, I don't usually look even when I walk by a mirror. But for some reason, I looked in the mirror that day, and thought, "I could be the next face marked as a breast cancer patient." I would no longer just be the face of the mother of three amazing girls with an amazing husband, with amazing family and friends. I text one of my very dear friends and told her. She immediately offered her words of comfort and told me to be strong and remember that there was a God size 20% it might not be cancer. At that point, I prayed that whatever God had in store for me, He would give me the strength, comfort and peace to get through the season.
On October 27, 2017, a day after my 43rd birthday, I lay on the table as the same radiologist walked in to do my ultrasound guided biopsy. He walked in and smiled and began asking some questions. Like "Have you ever had trauma to this breast?" Of course, I am thinking trauma like, someone used it as a punching bag or a car accident, so I said, "no". He began to do the ultrasound ever gently and guided me through breathing each time he sucked a piece of tissue from my breast. As we were talking, I mentioned having mastitis in that breast several times. He looked at me and said, "Jennifer, that is trauma to the breast! And this is the one time I hope I am wrong about it being cancer because trauma like that can look like cancer on the ultrasound." I had a slight sigh of relief, but thought about the very distinct lump I could feel and the fact that no other diagnosis had been mentioned. This time he told me to have a good weekend, and I didn't think he was a jerk. Not that he was before, but because I had a better attitude going into it.
November 1, 2017, a day that will forever be etched into my mind, was the day my nurse practitioner called me with the results. I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). Not a major issue, because I had been doing my research on breast cancers and learned that this is non invasive and can be there for years. In fact, in some realms of practice, it is not even considered cancer because it doesn't spread outside the milk duct. I already knew the next doctor I wanted to see as my surgical breast oncologist. Didn't even know if she took my insurance, but I wanted her to care for my situation. So my nurse practitioner called her office and made my appointment for that Monday morning at 9:30 a.m. I arrived at her office, just knowing there were many options and surgery wasn't one of them. Surely, they could do cryo or ablation and get that sucker out! But as my husband and I sat her office, she said, I have read the full pathology report from your biopsy and looked at your mammogram. You have 2 different types of cancer, and here are your three options: 1- Lumpectomy - I would be subjected to her margins and my breast would be deformed and there was a 50 % chance the cancer would come back even with 6 weeks of radiation given Monday through Friday. (ummmm the odds didn't sound good on that one) 2- Single Mastectomy - remove the right breast with the cancer and hope they could get the reconstructed breast to sag like my left one (LOL)
and 3 - Bilateral mastectomy - remove both breasts and never have to worry about it again (well sort of, not worry). The choice seemed obvious to me, but I needed to process it, so I cried most of the way home, trying to understand what was about to happen to my body. I stopped by my nurse practitioner's office to talk it over with her and she began to share a story with me about her friend. Her friend was a nurse and had breast cancer at about my age (43). She opted for the lumpectomy. Six times she opted for the lumpectomy and every time the cancer came back, and at age 52 she died from breast cancer. "If it were me, I would have the bilateral mastectomy", she said. I knew at that point that what I had been thinking was the right decision. Not an easy one, but one I had to make and then learn to live with.
On November 22, 2017, the day before Thanksgiving, I had my bilateral mastectomy. Now my surgical breast oncologist does not recommend reconstruction immediately after surgery, but rather wait six months and then have it started. I am so thankful in her wisdom for that! I have gone through many emotions that I will share later, but I know that my body needs to handle one thing at a time.My margins came back clear and 1 of the 3 lymph nodes that were removed had a small nest of cancer. Right now, I am doing some alternative treatments to ward off any stray cells and under the very careful watch of my doctor.
If you are going through this season or have been through this season, I hope you will share your story and mine with others who may be facing this life challenge. I realize through this, that many women don't talk about it. And we need to talk about it. We need to share with each other the tough times we have had and how we made it through them. Perhaps we could help each other as we continue this journey with faith, love and joy!