When I sat down with my surgical breast oncologist on that November day to discuss my surgery options, her treatment plan was three options. Option 1 - Lumpectomy. She explained she would just go in and cut out where the cancer appeared to be, but I would be subjected to her margins.  She explained the success rate on this procedure was about 50% based on my case.  Now I don't know about you, but I wouldn't take my money to Vegas on those odds, so I definitely am not putting my life on those odds.  Option 2 - single mastectomy.  Nope! I am too OCD to even entertain a one-sided chest. I do want to add here that over the past few years, I have heard from women who had surgeons who refused to listen to their wishes on this and would ONLY perform single mastectomy on their cancer side.  I suggest you strongly insist on a double, or find a second or third opinion. Why? Because many times cancer spreads to the other side and you are going into surgery again as well as starting the healing process, both mentally and physically, again! Option 3 - radical bilateral mastectomy.  This would be the removal of everything including my nipples.  My cancer was too close to the nipple to safely leave them so that is why it all had to be removed. As she continued to explain, she told me she doesn't allow reconstruction for at least six months post mastectomy surgery. I had no idea that women who have this surgery typically have a surgeon cut out the cancer then tag the plastic surgeon in as they walk out of the operating room and then the patient is left under anesthesia for possibly another 6 to 8 hours, with a total anesthesia time at around 8 to 12 hours.  That just seems like a long time to be under, but that is just my opinion.  So, my doctor told me her reasons for no reconstruction were this: - if you have to have chemotherapy or radiation post surgery this can have very negative effects on your results.  When she told me this, I completely understood what she meant. It made total sense to me that you wouldn't want to cut your breasts off immediately sending your body and immune system into start healing and fighting mode and then immediately tell it to adjust to all of these other cuts or foreign objects (implants) as well.  That is just too much on your body while it is also trying to fight cancer. It also leaves your body very vulnerable to illness which could potentially give you other diseases.  Her other reason was that she thinks it is best to process one thing at a time. Now I know there are some incredible surgeons out there who do both of these procedures, but they are very few and far between.  I didn't really know what she meant at the time, but as time has gone on I have understood it even more.  I remember her nurse telling me in a later conversation before surgery, that she has watched so many patients have immediate reconstruction and were not prepared for the new results.  Oh how I understand that now! Please keep in mind that you have been looking at your chest and developed breasts your entire life, whatever that age is right now, and when you have a mastectomy and then immediate reconstruction, you will not be prepared for the results.  I have seen some women go into horrible depression post these back to back surgeries. You need time to heal first from the breast cancer diagnosis.  For me, breast cancer was a major shock because it wasn't in my family history.  I am BRCA negative, no breast issues except as a teenager getting calcium deposits around my menstrual cycle that hurt then went away. So it was a very hard diagnosis to comprehend. So when I took my surgical bra off for the first time 6 weeks post surgery, seeing my flat chest was very difficult. One side was flatter than the other. There was the "chicken skin" as I saw it, where they had cut my chest and then stapled my chest back together. There were 160 small holes from the 80 staples that had been used to bring my incisions together. There was some discoloration all over. This was not the chest I had looked at for 40+ years. This was no longer the place my daughters had nursed or laid their heads on to cry, rest or hug me. It is a life changing moment. And there are alot of moments like this, if you are truly processing your story.  I think too often people do one of two things. They either ignore it or wallow in it. Neither one of those things is the right way to process any major situation in your life. Let me put it this way, if you get cut by a rusty knife, the initial protocol is to clean it and immediately get to the ER for a tetanus shot to prevent the bacterial infection. But if you just "ignore it", you subject yourself to infection and one that could be life threatening.  The same thing happens when we don't handle emotional and mental issues. When you don't process trauma, it doesn't just go away.  It lingers in your body and then will manifest in some other way.  Sometimes as illness or anxiety or depression.  Be sure to spend some quiet time focusing on yourself and knowing that you are strong. And your body was created to heal itself but you have to let what God created, do the job He gave it. Wallowing in your diagnosis can have the same effect as ignoring it.  There have been many research projects done on the human body when it comes to grief and depression.  It wreaks havoc on every part of your body, especially your immune system .  And as a cancer patient, your immune system in vital. I know there will always be days when something may trigger a memory or a thought about trauma you have endured. Take a moment though, and list 3 things that hurt about it and then 3 things that made you stronger from it.  Maybe it was a friend who reached out at that moment that gave you strength. Write it down! Thank them for being there for you. Tell them how they made you stronger that day. You never know that maybe your gratitude is what will get them through a moment they are having.  Kindness spreads kindness. I know I strayed from the subject a little bit, but I felt that I needed to tell you all how important processing your moments can be for your overall health. I chose to have the radical double mastectomy (DMX for short). I felt that after my doctor pointed out that the same dense breast tissue I had in my right breast with cancer was also the same dense breast tissue in my left breast without cancer and it was not a matter of IF it went to my left breast it was WHEN it would go to my left breast. I remember looking at my doctor and saying that the DMX was what I would do, but as the words came out of my mouth I began to cry like I have never cried before. It is hard to explain.  I cried because it was sad but at the same time I was at total peace. I spent so much time in prayer prior to that appointment and had asked God to make my answer very clear, that when I went into that appointment, I already knew He would give me  a clear answer, and He did just that.  Being flat is challenging at times.  The summer for me is the hardest.  Trying to find the cutest bathing suit that looks feminine and doesn't cut too low or show scars can get quite discouraging. I found some last year, thanks to a very good friend!  (I will post the link on this page)  I wear some cute prosthesis. Some are made of silicone and some are knitted, but even they get hot or in the way so unless we are going out I typically just go flat. It has been so much easier when in the garden or just being around the house.  The biggest thing I will encourage you to do on this is BE YOURSELF!! Be the person God created on the inside. Your outside has been altered so find what makes you feel comfortable and rock it! You may find some days are more frustrating than others when it comes to finding the "perfect" outfit, so on those days, I just put on leggings and an oversized tshirt and a smile and keep on moving forward.  There are some great advantages to being flat and some frustrating ones too, so handle those emotions as they come along and ALWAYS keep moving forward!!